I just read another update on Jen Fulwiler’s lung condition. You may have read somewhere here on the blog that I suffer from sarcoidosis, which is not a lung disease but an endocrine disease. But it is attacking my lungs, among other things. So I fully and completely understood how she felt when Jen wrote that not being able to breathe was “surprisingly exhausting”. Do I ever understand that! And I nearly passed out when I read how much one month’s supply of one of her prescriptions is costing her. Oy ve! Read the update on her Conversion Diary blog.
I may have mentioned on here in a post sometime that I was ill all through Advent and Christmas and through New Year’s. (Sarcoidosis and inconsiderate belligerent people do not mix!) I lost my voice after the first Sunday of Advent (and I knew I was going to lose it when I had to sing baritone at Mass, oy!) and it still isn’t back! Do you know how hard it is to talk to an elderly father–an elderly nearly DEAF father–when you can’t speak above a whisper?!
Oh, and in case you’re wondering, the inconsiderate person who made me sick was not my dad. Well, not only my dad. He has dementia so he’s got an excuse. A really good excuse, actually. But his sitter has no excuse whatsoever! I’ve been dealing with his dementia for a few years now and it’s getting worse all the time. But we’ve only had the sitter for four months and in that four months, she has done more to harm my health than anyone else since I was diagnosed in 2003. And this is permanent damage. I’m in Stage IV, and that means any inflammation that gets started in my lungs keeps going until the inflamed tissue dies. And that means that certain kinds of cleaning chemicals, etc, cannot be used around me. Period. Ever. I’ve had to leave restaurants and other public places because someone chose to spray down all the dirty tables with gallons of cleaner first, then come back and wipe them off after the food and dirtiness were loosened up–and my lungs were filled with the toxic fumes. Now I have the pleasure of that kind of incredibly harmful behavior in the home where I live. What joy.
Ah, well, offer it up, Eh? Oh, I do, I do. Unfortunately, I usually think to offer it up AFTER I get angry, resentful, frustrated and just plain aggravated. So I have to catch myself, stop myself, and re-direct myself. Easier said than done but possible and necessary. Over and over and over. To be Catholic is always to be beginning again. Conversion is an ongoing process, a constantly renewed and renewing commitment, minute after minute, day after day, year after year. I’ve been at this, being Catholic, for sixteen years now and I’ve barely scratched the surface, barely made any progress toward my heavenly home. But my feet are on the path and I know I am on the way. If I get there, it will only be because the Lord is Good and His Mercy endures forever. Amen!
Thanks for reading, comments are welcome, and please keep Jen in your prayers. And me, too, I need all the help I can get! I pray for everyone who reads the blog or even stumbles across it accidentally. So if you’re reading this, please know that you are being remembered in my daily prayers. God bless you and may His peace be with you always.